I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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