My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
