wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
