dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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