After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
