i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
