her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
