My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
