I'm gonna have a badass scar
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
