like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
