I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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