bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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