i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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