I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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