I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
