to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
