The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
