So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize