Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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