Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
