I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
