Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Actions speak louder than pants.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
