Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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