Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
