And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
