Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
