Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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