i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
