i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
