Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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