I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
being pregnant is like rehab
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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