With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
