So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize