party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
