is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
