how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
