I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
