he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
