New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
