I faked an abortion last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
