She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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