Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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