I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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