i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
