Define "chronic" masturbator.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize