I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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