Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Congratulations! We have a period
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
