So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
