..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
