He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
