dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
