homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
