Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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