We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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