To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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