do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
