You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
