some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
