ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
