i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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