I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
