my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
