I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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