I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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