those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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