Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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