I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
