so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
