what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
