Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
wow bdsm is so cute
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
