He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
