All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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